Archive for category Legostan

The Legend of Pasha Dracula or How to ward of Muslim Vampires

This should have been posted on Halal-o-ween but better late than never. The events narrated in this story are true, the name of the people have been changed for the purpose of annonymity.

(1) On a foggy Thursday afternoon in Romania Ahmet was going back to his home from the Mosque of Transylvania, he decided to rest in the park.

(2) Unknown to him however Pasha Dracula (the nephew of the more famous Count Dracula) had been hiding close by.

(3) The Pasha was expecting a swift victory and having Ahmet’s blood for iftar that day but Ahmet was smart one. He had heard of the legend of the Pasha so he had taken precautions. He lied down and whistled for his secret weapon.

(4) And in no time Pasha Dracula was running for his life, his plans for iftar were foiled.

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When Lego Figures Go Evil: Episode I

Let this be a warning for everyone. When you are fast asleep, you may never know what your Lego mini-figures may be up to. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the Kitchen to get some water but saw the following scene.

Here is a close up and the conversation before I disrupted it.

Mad Scientist: Good, good. Hahahaha. Now be a pair of good legos and step into the microwave.
Masud: But why? Why are you doing this Mr. Mad Scientist?
Mad Scientist: To know the melting point of lego people and to establish myself as the most evil scientist amongst the lego people. Hahaha.
Amina: You are crazy!
Stormtrooper: Into the microwave!

That was when I disrupted the party and averted this disaster.

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The use and abuse of Saladin

This is a more serious post. In the news these days there many stories about violence perpetuated by Muslims. Most of  the instances are actually Muslim on Muslim violence. While such type of news articles are given disproportionate coverage in the media, the rhetoric employed by some Muslims is also very disheartening. Media fairness is however not the topic of this post. In this post I wanted to point out something else i.e., the type of rhetoric that is used by some Muslims which is free of any compassion towards the other side. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that “He who has no kindness has no faith.” I sometimes wonder that it may be our arrogance which is keeping us down in the world and not the other qualities and conditions that we like to think.

The figure of Salahuddin Ayubi (known as Saladin in the West) is fascinating as he is considered to be one of the greatest Muslim heroes who ever lived. He is routinely invoked by all sorts of people, from people who are compassionate to people who are like demagoges. What the extremist elements forget is how different Saladin is from their distorted vision of Islam.

(i) Salahuddin (Saladin)’s Attitude:

Saladin: You have laid down your arms. We are obliged to treat you well. You are free to go anywhere you want.

(ii) The Extremist Attitude:

Abu Imran: We are the heirs of Saladin. We dou nout like beoble who disagree with us. We will conquer your cidies and teach you a lessoun.
Abu Pikachu: Then what will you do?
Abu Imran: Then we will kill them.
Abu Pikachu: Cant we then just let them go? Why do you want to kill innocent civilians? Isnt that againt Islam?
Abu Imran: You are a wuss. In fact I think you are Al-Wuss or better still you are Al-Wuss Al-Akbar, Abu Bicachu.
Abu Pikachu: What? I am just saying what Islam teaches, you are leading people astray.
Abu Imran: Bikachu, what kind of berverted name is that? Haram!

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The Truth about Boys and Girls

I remember reading a similar story, though not the same, to the one which is narrated be at either Mezba‘s or over at Captain Chaos. I cant remember which one, it was a long time ago. (I know what you are thinking – All Desis looks alike. Well they dont, so dont go there.) Anyways the story is meant to be a romantic story being narrated by a man and a woman, say Ayesha and Jamal, who develop the story as they go along. Just in case you are wondering, they are married. (This blog is supposed to comply with Islamic teaching so dont go there.) Anyways here it is, Ayesha begins narrating the story.

1) (Ayesha) In a lovely place far far away lived Ayesha and Jamal who were madly in love. One day they went out for a picnic on their lovely chariot.

2) (Ayesha) The sky was clear and the birds were chirping.

3) (Ayesha) Jamal expressed his undying love for Ayesha by giving her very expensive diamonds as birthday gifts.

4) (The narrative now switches over to Jamal)

Then all of sudden Storm Troopers appeared out of nowhere and demanded, “Come with us rebel leader Jamal. The Galactic Empire has been expecting you.”

5) (Jamal) It was a tough situation the Evil Empire had them surrounded.

6) (Jamal) Unbeknownst to the Storm Troopers Jamal summoned his spaceship with a device that he was carrying in his pocket.

7) Ayesha: “This is stupid. Why do you have those state troopers in our story.”
Jamal: “They are storm troopers not state troopers. The story sounds much better.”
Ayesha: “No it doesnt.”
Jamal: “Yes it does. You are being stupid.”
Ayesha: “No you are.”

8) (The narration now switches over to Ayesha)
Then magically they are transported to their lovely house and all the horrible monsters and the state troopers disappear.

9) (Narrative switches back to Jamal)
Or at least thats what they thought. All of a suddenn General Chilioux of the Grand Klaxian Alliance appears and demands ransom.

10) Ayeha: “Aaah, you are being weird again.”
Jamal (in a Scottish accent): “This is exciting!”
Ayesha: “No its not. This is crazy.”
Jamal (in a monotonic voice): “You are being highly illogical.”
Ayesha: “Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why are you talking in different voices. I am going to destroy your General Cheetos whatever whatever.”
Jamal: “Scotty beam me up!”
Ayesha: “Uggh!”
Jamal: “Energize.”

Epilogue:
Just in case you are wondering, Ayesha and Jamal are still together. They have reached a compromise – for every episode of Star Trek that they have to watch together, they have to watch “The Notebook” together. The Horror! The Horror!

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Meanwhile in France …

Brothers, Sisters, Friends and Enemies, its been a while since I posted last. Actually that was the only post in the blog as well. Just in case you were wondering that Abu Pokemon was gone for good, fear not because I am back. First I lost my camera and haven’t gotten a new one till now. Secondly it was the usual busy with schoolwork thing. Anyway I am back with (hopefully) regular posts.

Lately I have been wondering why France has banned wearing the burka and why is Sarkozy so concerned. If you were puzzled then dont be puzzled any more because I think I have cracked the code and why Mr. sarkozy is perfectly justified in banning the Burka even though it affects 200 or so women in France.

(1) Here is a French Muslim woman without the Burka or the niqab, she seems harmless and innocent enough.

(2) Here is the same French Muslim woman with the Niqab, she may seem harmless enough at first glance but looks can be deceiving.

(3) Here is a Stormtrooper from Starwars. He or she is working for Sith Lords in the Evil Empire.

(4) Here are the two side by side. OMG, that’s it, the Niqab is yet another device that converts innocent Muslim women into Storm Troopers from Star Wars! It is a Muslim conspiracy to take over the (French) Republic and declare the Evil Empire. It all makes sense now, doesn’t it? Think about it Darth Vader, that sounds like an exotic Middle Eastern name, right?

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