Posts Tagged absurdistan

What not to do in Ramadan – The sequel

I usually dont do sequels but perhaps its not a bad idea. Mezba did a post on a similar topic to my previous post so I had no choice but to steal, err I mean borrow the post from Mezba. Here is Mezba’s post Legoized. (Just in case you folks are wondering I do have Mezb’a Blessing). Note to Mezba: I had to modify a couple of things in order to fit these in the lego world but the main theme is still the same.

Here are Mezba’s 5 tips for night prayer:

(1) Its not a hurdles competition

(1A) Jamil: Dang, I am late again. If the rate of blessing are inversely proportional to the distance from the imam then I wont reach my target tonight.

(1B) Luckily I am a pole vaulting champion.

(1C) Almost there.

(1D) Jamil: The engineering degree was going to come in handy one day.

(1e) Fill me up with blessings man. Woot!

(2) You are not having dinner:

Masud (The guy with the Turban): That was a yummy iftar.
Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the back) : I need to find a way to get to the front row.

(1b) Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the front): Front row, awesome.

(1c) Mezba: Why has that guy been burping the Ameen’ for the last 12 rakats.

(1d) Mezba in some fantasyland far away.

Mezba: Alright stormtroppers, I know the economy is tough so if you want to make a few bucks on the side, there is this guy at the masjid ….

(3) Allah loves cleanliness

(3a) (People in sajda while praying salat/namaz)

Behroz: What is that smell, oh God. Please help. I am suffocating.

(3b) Jamil: I dont know what that guy’s problem is what is standing behind me.

(3c) Congregation: Ina’lil’lah’wa’ina’ila’hi’rajioun. Masha’Allah he must have been a really pious brother. He must surely go to jannah (heaven) since he died while in prostration before God.

(4) Stop scaring the kids

(4a) Reyhan: I love being in the masjid, this is so fun.
Abdulrehman: (Better not cross me boy.)

(4b) Abdurrehman: That does it!

(4c) Abdurrehman: You stupid @#@% kid. Don’t cross in front of people who are praying. You deserve a sound beating!

(4d) 10 years later when Reyhan is passing by a masjid, this is what he is what comes to his mind when he thinks about the masjid.

(5) Sleep First

(5a) First Rakat:

Hashim: (I am getting a little sleepy.)

(5b) Second Rakat:
Hashim: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Muneeb: I am feeling sleepy.

(5c) Third Rakat:

Hashim: Zzzz ….
Muneeb: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Mezba: (If you have to sleep, please remain on your bed, not on my shoulder. There is actually a saying that you should not pray when you are sleepy. So either sleep before and then come to the mosque, or please stay in your bed.)

(5d) Later that night …

Mezba: Dr. Fransworth I have heard that you are looking for some test subjects for your sleep related research ….

To quote Mezba verbatim:

“To desi FOB uncles: If you follow the above tips, I am sure you can make your experience and the experience of the rest around you a lot better.”

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But You Also Talk to …..

This should be in the hall of shame but unfortunately this actually happened. The names and places in this story have been changed. The appearance of the people involved have been changed as well. I can assure you that the faces of the lego characters bear no resemblance to the people involved in this incident including me (It would be weird if it did.)

(i) A long long time ago, actually not that long, around 2002-03 timeframe. One day I was hanging out in my apartment with my friend Saeed on a leisurely Friday evening.

(ii) My roommate seemed to be getting ready for going out somewhere as he passed by us. My otherĀ  rommate was in the shower so he is not in the frame. I usually hung out at home with Saeed on Friday nights, was not really an outdoor person back in the days. Saeed asked him, “Whats going on bro? Where are you guys going?”

(iii) My roommate Abbas replied, “O nothing, we are going to the strip club.” Saeed seemed a bit concerned after hearing thi, so he said in a non-lecturing tone, “Abbas I know that your father is a good and pious person. How do you think he would react if he heard about this?” To this Abbas replied, “I tell my father whatever I do. Besides, Saeed you have no right to lecture me on this since you also talk to your fiance on the phone and in Islam we know that it is haram to talk to a non-mehram woman for any reason at all.” This was perhaps the only time in my life when I felt that I was speechless. Saad and I did not say anything at all. Both of my roommates did go there that night. I felt like banging my head on the wall after hearing such. Just in case you folks are wondering I can actually testify to the fact that Saeed did not talk anything haram with his wife, justtalked about stuff related to how to raise kids islamically, how to deal with family, living in a non-Muslim majority country etc.

(iv) So folks, lets recap and visualize the moral equivalence of my ex-roommate’s universe.

(a) Talking to your fiance over the phone ….

(b) is equivalent to ….

The picture had to be censured since this blog is supposed to comply with Islamic principles on not showing questionable material.

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