Posts Tagged abu pokemon

The Legend of Pasha Dracula or How to ward of Muslim Vampires

This should have been posted on Halal-o-ween but better late than never. The events narrated in this story are true, the name of the people have been changed for the purpose of annonymity.

(1) On a foggy Thursday afternoon in Romania Ahmet was going back to his home from the Mosque of Transylvania, he decided to rest in the park.

(2) Unknown to him however Pasha Dracula (the nephew of the more famous Count Dracula) had been hiding close by.

(3) The Pasha was expecting a swift victory and having Ahmet’s blood for iftar that day but Ahmet was smart one. He had heard of the legend of the Pasha so he had taken precautions. He lied down and whistled for his secret weapon.

(4) And in no time Pasha Dracula was running for his life, his plans for iftar were foiled.

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Abu Pokemon Gets Nominated!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Abu Pokemon has been nominated for the Brass Crescent Awards. This means that people actually read this blog, what a relief.

Now that there is a burst of traffic on this blog because of the nomination I would like to point out to the new readers why they should vote for this blog. (Inspired from the Rally To Restore Sanity/Fear)

(1) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then the Terrorists will win:

(2) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then Britney Spears will become president:

(3) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then Gay Muslim Illegal Aliens will take your job:

You can vote at the following URL:  http://www.brasscrescent.org/

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Of course you have four of those!

This narrative is based on a true story.

Abu Pokemon: The lego figurines that I try to get have to be as diverse as possible but it is hard sometimes.
Person A: Home come?
Abu Pokemon: For example it is hard to get female figures.
Person A: How many do you have?
Abu Pokemon: I have a total of more than 30 figures but out of those only 4 are female.
Person A: It makes sense.
Abu Pokemon: What do you mean?
Person A: You are Muslim and you have four figures
Abu Pokemon: No, its a coincidence!
Person A: Of course it is.
Abu Pokemon: It is!
Person A: Right.
Abu Pokemon: I mean it!

This also reminded me of how back in the days, many of my conversations used to start like the following. It was pretty annoying at that time but in retrospect they are funny.

Random Person: So you are a Muslim.
Abu Pokemon:  Yes.
Random Person: Cool, so you can have four wives.
Abu Pokemon: Well, amm, theoretically yes.
Random Person: Dude that is so awesome.
Abu Pokemon: Well, why would you want to have more than one. Isnt it supposed to be hard to have one wife?
Random Person: It is very cool nonetheless!

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What not to do in Ramadan – The sequel

I usually dont do sequels but perhaps its not a bad idea. Mezba did a post on a similar topic to my previous post so I had no choice but to steal, err I mean borrow the post from Mezba. Here is Mezba’s post Legoized. (Just in case you folks are wondering I do have Mezb’a Blessing). Note to Mezba: I had to modify a couple of things in order to fit these in the lego world but the main theme is still the same.

Here are Mezba’s 5 tips for night prayer:

(1) Its not a hurdles competition

(1A) Jamil: Dang, I am late again. If the rate of blessing are inversely proportional to the distance from the imam then I wont reach my target tonight.

(1B) Luckily I am a pole vaulting champion.

(1C) Almost there.

(1D) Jamil: The engineering degree was going to come in handy one day.

(1e) Fill me up with blessings man. Woot!

(2) You are not having dinner:

Masud (The guy with the Turban): That was a yummy iftar.
Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the back) : I need to find a way to get to the front row.

(1b) Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the front): Front row, awesome.

(1c) Mezba: Why has that guy been burping the Ameen’ for the last 12 rakats.

(1d) Mezba in some fantasyland far away.

Mezba: Alright stormtroppers, I know the economy is tough so if you want to make a few bucks on the side, there is this guy at the masjid ….

(3) Allah loves cleanliness

(3a) (People in sajda while praying salat/namaz)

Behroz: What is that smell, oh God. Please help. I am suffocating.

(3b) Jamil: I dont know what that guy’s problem is what is standing behind me.

(3c) Congregation: Ina’lil’lah’wa’ina’ila’hi’rajioun. Masha’Allah he must have been a really pious brother. He must surely go to jannah (heaven) since he died while in prostration before God.

(4) Stop scaring the kids

(4a) Reyhan: I love being in the masjid, this is so fun.
Abdulrehman: (Better not cross me boy.)

(4b) Abdurrehman: That does it!

(4c) Abdurrehman: You stupid @#@% kid. Don’t cross in front of people who are praying. You deserve a sound beating!

(4d) 10 years later when Reyhan is passing by a masjid, this is what he is what comes to his mind when he thinks about the masjid.

(5) Sleep First

(5a) First Rakat:

Hashim: (I am getting a little sleepy.)

(5b) Second Rakat:
Hashim: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Muneeb: I am feeling sleepy.

(5c) Third Rakat:

Hashim: Zzzz ….
Muneeb: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Mezba: (If you have to sleep, please remain on your bed, not on my shoulder. There is actually a saying that you should not pray when you are sleepy. So either sleep before and then come to the mosque, or please stay in your bed.)

(5d) Later that night …

Mezba: Dr. Fransworth I have heard that you are looking for some test subjects for your sleep related research ….

To quote Mezba verbatim:

“To desi FOB uncles: If you follow the above tips, I am sure you can make your experience and the experience of the rest around you a lot better.”

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Ramadan Kareem and Ramadan 101

It is that time of the year folks. Ramadan/Ramazan/Ramjan is upon us. Actually a few days have passed but the important thing is that we are here now. Ramadan Kareem to all of the readers of this blog and also to the non-readers. For our non-Muslim friends and reader who may not be familiar with this Ramadan here is a quick primer on Ramadan.

This is an educational post. The funny/weird Ramadan post is reserved for next time.

(1) As you may know, Muslims are supposed to fast during the month of Ramadan. We are supposed to refrain from the following from dawn to dusk.

(A) Drinking

(B) Eating

(C) Relations between men and women

(2) In addition to this people are encouraged to engage more in acts of worship. Thus the attendance of mosques greatly shoots up during Ramadan.

(3) Muslims are usually more charitable during Ramadan and are encouraged to give charity.

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On Sister’s Day

Most likely many readers of this blog do not know that the first sunday of August is supposed to be Sister’s day. While I do not have a sister I do know someone who comes close and so this post is dedicated to her. The first sunday of August was about a week ago so this post is somewhat late but I presume that is somewhat appropriate since we haven’t talked to each other for a year now. If one does not talk to another person that does not necessarily mean that one cannot wish them well. To make a long story short, she asked for forgiveness from me but at that time perhaps I was not ready to forgive. And now we do not even talk even if we are in the same room and that does happen quite often.

A couple of weeks ago I was at the Jummah and the imam mentioned a narration from the life of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) which I had heard before but had not really thought about.” The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was seated in a gathering with the companions when he (pbuh) looked towards the entrance and said, “A man of Paradise is coming.” At that instance someone who seemed to be very ordinary entered the mosque where they were seated. A companion was curious as to why the Prophet (pbuh) said this, so he followed the man to his house. This Sahabi told the man that he was a traveler and stayed as a guest. For three days the Sahabi saw nothing unusual, so he finally told the man what the Prophet had said and asked him what was so special. The man thought for a long time and said, “There might be one thing — before going to sleep every night I forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart.” ” The narration made me realize the meaning of forgiveness and humility. The following verses from Moulana Rumi come to mind while reading this narration.

Our brotherhood is not one of despair
Even though you have broken
Your vows of repentance a hundred times, come.

Fast forward to the present. The other day, when I saw my sister, she looked so sad. I wanted to say hi and ask whats wrong or even say that I forgive you sister but I did not. You might ask why I did not say anything, its because I know that she would not respond positively or even respond at all.

And so whatever hardship or problems that she is going through I just pray to Allah that may he make it easier for her.

And to my sister I say, “Even though we may never talk to one another and you may never read this post, I wish all the best to you and I forgive you Nuna.”

Hopefully there will be a smile on her face today. May Allah have mercy on all of us. Ameen.

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The use and abuse of Saladin

This is a more serious post. In the news these days there many stories about violence perpetuated by Muslims. Most of  the instances are actually Muslim on Muslim violence. While such type of news articles are given disproportionate coverage in the media, the rhetoric employed by some Muslims is also very disheartening. Media fairness is however not the topic of this post. In this post I wanted to point out something else i.e., the type of rhetoric that is used by some Muslims which is free of any compassion towards the other side. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that “He who has no kindness has no faith.” I sometimes wonder that it may be our arrogance which is keeping us down in the world and not the other qualities and conditions that we like to think.

The figure of Salahuddin Ayubi (known as Saladin in the West) is fascinating as he is considered to be one of the greatest Muslim heroes who ever lived. He is routinely invoked by all sorts of people, from people who are compassionate to people who are like demagoges. What the extremist elements forget is how different Saladin is from their distorted vision of Islam.

(i) Salahuddin (Saladin)’s Attitude:

Saladin: You have laid down your arms. We are obliged to treat you well. You are free to go anywhere you want.

(ii) The Extremist Attitude:

Abu Imran: We are the heirs of Saladin. We dou nout like beoble who disagree with us. We will conquer your cidies and teach you a lessoun.
Abu Pikachu: Then what will you do?
Abu Imran: Then we will kill them.
Abu Pikachu: Cant we then just let them go? Why do you want to kill innocent civilians? Isnt that againt Islam?
Abu Imran: You are a wuss. In fact I think you are Al-Wuss or better still you are Al-Wuss Al-Akbar, Abu Bicachu.
Abu Pikachu: What? I am just saying what Islam teaches, you are leading people astray.
Abu Imran: Bikachu, what kind of berverted name is that? Haram!

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