Posts Tagged lego

The Legend of Pasha Dracula or How to ward of Muslim Vampires

This should have been posted on Halal-o-ween but better late than never. The events narrated in this story are true, the name of the people have been changed for the purpose of annonymity.

(1) On a foggy Thursday afternoon in Romania Ahmet was going back to his home from the Mosque of Transylvania, he decided to rest in the park.

(2) Unknown to him however Pasha Dracula (the nephew of the more famous Count Dracula) had been hiding close by.

(3) The Pasha was expecting a swift victory and having Ahmet’s blood for iftar that day but Ahmet was smart one. He had heard of the legend of the Pasha so he had taken precautions. He lied down and whistled for his secret weapon.

(4) And in no time Pasha Dracula was running for his life, his plans for iftar were foiled.

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Abu Pokemon Gets Nominated!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Abu Pokemon has been nominated for the Brass Crescent Awards. This means that people actually read this blog, what a relief.

Now that there is a burst of traffic on this blog because of the nomination I would like to point out to the new readers why they should vote for this blog. (Inspired from the Rally To Restore Sanity/Fear)

(1) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then the Terrorists will win:

(2) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then Britney Spears will become president:

(3) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then Gay Muslim Illegal Aliens will take your job:

You can vote at the following URL:  http://www.brasscrescent.org/

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When Lego Figures Go Evil: Episode I

Let this be a warning for everyone. When you are fast asleep, you may never know what your Lego mini-figures may be up to. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the Kitchen to get some water but saw the following scene.

Here is a close up and the conversation before I disrupted it.

Mad Scientist: Good, good. Hahahaha. Now be a pair of good legos and step into the microwave.
Masud: But why? Why are you doing this Mr. Mad Scientist?
Mad Scientist: To know the melting point of lego people and to establish myself as the most evil scientist amongst the lego people. Hahaha.
Amina: You are crazy!
Stormtrooper: Into the microwave!

That was when I disrupted the party and averted this disaster.

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Of course you have four of those!

This narrative is based on a true story.

Abu Pokemon: The lego figurines that I try to get have to be as diverse as possible but it is hard sometimes.
Person A: Home come?
Abu Pokemon: For example it is hard to get female figures.
Person A: How many do you have?
Abu Pokemon: I have a total of more than 30 figures but out of those only 4 are female.
Person A: It makes sense.
Abu Pokemon: What do you mean?
Person A: You are Muslim and you have four figures
Abu Pokemon: No, its a coincidence!
Person A: Of course it is.
Abu Pokemon: It is!
Person A: Right.
Abu Pokemon: I mean it!

This also reminded me of how back in the days, many of my conversations used to start like the following. It was pretty annoying at that time but in retrospect they are funny.

Random Person: So you are a Muslim.
Abu Pokemon:  Yes.
Random Person: Cool, so you can have four wives.
Abu Pokemon: Well, amm, theoretically yes.
Random Person: Dude that is so awesome.
Abu Pokemon: Well, why would you want to have more than one. Isnt it supposed to be hard to have one wife?
Random Person: It is very cool nonetheless!

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Eid Mubarak from Abu Pokemon!

Better late than never, Eid Mubarak to everyone!

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What not to do in Ramadan – The sequel

I usually dont do sequels but perhaps its not a bad idea. Mezba did a post on a similar topic to my previous post so I had no choice but to steal, err I mean borrow the post from Mezba. Here is Mezba’s post Legoized. (Just in case you folks are wondering I do have Mezb’a Blessing). Note to Mezba: I had to modify a couple of things in order to fit these in the lego world but the main theme is still the same.

Here are Mezba’s 5 tips for night prayer:

(1) Its not a hurdles competition

(1A) Jamil: Dang, I am late again. If the rate of blessing are inversely proportional to the distance from the imam then I wont reach my target tonight.

(1B) Luckily I am a pole vaulting champion.

(1C) Almost there.

(1D) Jamil: The engineering degree was going to come in handy one day.

(1e) Fill me up with blessings man. Woot!

(2) You are not having dinner:

Masud (The guy with the Turban): That was a yummy iftar.
Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the back) : I need to find a way to get to the front row.

(1b) Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the front): Front row, awesome.

(1c) Mezba: Why has that guy been burping the Ameen’ for the last 12 rakats.

(1d) Mezba in some fantasyland far away.

Mezba: Alright stormtroppers, I know the economy is tough so if you want to make a few bucks on the side, there is this guy at the masjid ….

(3) Allah loves cleanliness

(3a) (People in sajda while praying salat/namaz)

Behroz: What is that smell, oh God. Please help. I am suffocating.

(3b) Jamil: I dont know what that guy’s problem is what is standing behind me.

(3c) Congregation: Ina’lil’lah’wa’ina’ila’hi’rajioun. Masha’Allah he must have been a really pious brother. He must surely go to jannah (heaven) since he died while in prostration before God.

(4) Stop scaring the kids

(4a) Reyhan: I love being in the masjid, this is so fun.
Abdulrehman: (Better not cross me boy.)

(4b) Abdurrehman: That does it!

(4c) Abdurrehman: You stupid @#@% kid. Don’t cross in front of people who are praying. You deserve a sound beating!

(4d) 10 years later when Reyhan is passing by a masjid, this is what he is what comes to his mind when he thinks about the masjid.

(5) Sleep First

(5a) First Rakat:

Hashim: (I am getting a little sleepy.)

(5b) Second Rakat:
Hashim: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Muneeb: I am feeling sleepy.

(5c) Third Rakat:

Hashim: Zzzz ….
Muneeb: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Mezba: (If you have to sleep, please remain on your bed, not on my shoulder. There is actually a saying that you should not pray when you are sleepy. So either sleep before and then come to the mosque, or please stay in your bed.)

(5d) Later that night …

Mezba: Dr. Fransworth I have heard that you are looking for some test subjects for your sleep related research ….

To quote Mezba verbatim:

“To desi FOB uncles: If you follow the above tips, I am sure you can make your experience and the experience of the rest around you a lot better.”

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Time Traveling for what!

Note: This is a work of sature, please dont take it seriously. I have to add this disclaimer because there are people out there who are likely to take it seriously. This particular story refers to two infamous fatwas where the scholars suggested that a man and a woman who are working in an office can interact with one another if  they are mehram. They can become mehram if she breastfeeds the man and thus they can work in the same environment. The fatwa caused an outrage in Egypt and it had to be retracted. The following story is inspired from that fatwa.


(I) In the year 2040: This was a problem that scholar and scientists had wrestled with for millenia but no one had a solution which everyone could agree on. The perrenial problem was how to ensure that people can interact with one another without falling for their lustful desires. Large number of “scientific” studies had shown that even in academic environments whereever people interacted

uncovered

or covered

…. it always led to disaster.

(II) Finally the scientist and the scholars sat down and after billions of dillars of research found an “elegant” solution to this problem – Time Travel.

(III) The solution works as follows: Suppose that Fatima and Abu Imran are two colleages in an office who have to interact with one another but they cannot because they are not mehram. They will be first taken to the Time Travelling facility.

(IV) Where the scientists will take the DNA sample from the man and feed it to the supercomputer who will find an appropriate point in time in the past for the necessary changes.

(V) One of the agents of the Temporal Religious Police would be selected to go back in time.

(VI) The agent will go back in time when Abu Imran is just an infact and at a  moment when no one is looking he will grab Abu Imran.

(VII) Now that he is back to the future with the young Abu Imran, Fatima can breastfeed him and thus the mehram relationship will be established between them.

(VIII) Afterwards the infant Abu Imran will be sent back to his own time and thus there  will be no paradox. Muslims all over teh world have shown interest in using this technology of time travel to solve other problems e.g., the Palestinian conflict but the authories say that they do not want to interfere in the affairs of God and besides what can possibly be more important that breastfeeding one’s colleages from the past!

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