Posts Tagged legostan

The Legend of Pasha Dracula or How to ward of Muslim Vampires

This should have been posted on Halal-o-ween but better late than never. The events narrated in this story are true, the name of the people have been changed for the purpose of annonymity.

(1) On a foggy Thursday afternoon in Romania Ahmet was going back to his home from the Mosque of Transylvania, he decided to rest in the park.

(2) Unknown to him however Pasha Dracula (the nephew of the more famous Count Dracula) had been hiding close by.

(3) The Pasha was expecting a swift victory and having Ahmet’s blood for iftar that day but Ahmet was smart one. He had heard of the legend of the Pasha so he had taken precautions. He lied down and whistled for his secret weapon.

(4) And in no time Pasha Dracula was running for his life, his plans for iftar were foiled.

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When Lego Figures Go Evil: Episode I

Let this be a warning for everyone. When you are fast asleep, you may never know what your Lego mini-figures may be up to. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the Kitchen to get some water but saw the following scene.

Here is a close up and the conversation before I disrupted it.

Mad Scientist: Good, good. Hahahaha. Now be a pair of good legos and step into the microwave.
Masud: But why? Why are you doing this Mr. Mad Scientist?
Mad Scientist: To know the melting point of lego people and to establish myself as the most evil scientist amongst the lego people. Hahaha.
Amina: You are crazy!
Stormtrooper: Into the microwave!

That was when I disrupted the party and averted this disaster.

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Of course you have four of those!

This narrative is based on a true story.

Abu Pokemon: The lego figurines that I try to get have to be as diverse as possible but it is hard sometimes.
Person A: Home come?
Abu Pokemon: For example it is hard to get female figures.
Person A: How many do you have?
Abu Pokemon: I have a total of more than 30 figures but out of those only 4 are female.
Person A: It makes sense.
Abu Pokemon: What do you mean?
Person A: You are Muslim and you have four figures
Abu Pokemon: No, its a coincidence!
Person A: Of course it is.
Abu Pokemon: It is!
Person A: Right.
Abu Pokemon: I mean it!

This also reminded me of how back in the days, many of my conversations used to start like the following. It was pretty annoying at that time but in retrospect they are funny.

Random Person: So you are a Muslim.
Abu Pokemon:  Yes.
Random Person: Cool, so you can have four wives.
Abu Pokemon: Well, amm, theoretically yes.
Random Person: Dude that is so awesome.
Abu Pokemon: Well, why would you want to have more than one. Isnt it supposed to be hard to have one wife?
Random Person: It is very cool nonetheless!

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Eid Mubarak from Abu Pokemon!

Better late than never, Eid Mubarak to everyone!

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What not to do in Ramadan – The sequel

I usually dont do sequels but perhaps its not a bad idea. Mezba did a post on a similar topic to my previous post so I had no choice but to steal, err I mean borrow the post from Mezba. Here is Mezba’s post Legoized. (Just in case you folks are wondering I do have Mezb’a Blessing). Note to Mezba: I had to modify a couple of things in order to fit these in the lego world but the main theme is still the same.

Here are Mezba’s 5 tips for night prayer:

(1) Its not a hurdles competition

(1A) Jamil: Dang, I am late again. If the rate of blessing are inversely proportional to the distance from the imam then I wont reach my target tonight.

(1B) Luckily I am a pole vaulting champion.

(1C) Almost there.

(1D) Jamil: The engineering degree was going to come in handy one day.

(1e) Fill me up with blessings man. Woot!

(2) You are not having dinner:

Masud (The guy with the Turban): That was a yummy iftar.
Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the back) : I need to find a way to get to the front row.

(1b) Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the front): Front row, awesome.

(1c) Mezba: Why has that guy been burping the Ameen’ for the last 12 rakats.

(1d) Mezba in some fantasyland far away.

Mezba: Alright stormtroppers, I know the economy is tough so if you want to make a few bucks on the side, there is this guy at the masjid ….

(3) Allah loves cleanliness

(3a) (People in sajda while praying salat/namaz)

Behroz: What is that smell, oh God. Please help. I am suffocating.

(3b) Jamil: I dont know what that guy’s problem is what is standing behind me.

(3c) Congregation: Ina’lil’lah’wa’ina’ila’hi’rajioun. Masha’Allah he must have been a really pious brother. He must surely go to jannah (heaven) since he died while in prostration before God.

(4) Stop scaring the kids

(4a) Reyhan: I love being in the masjid, this is so fun.
Abdulrehman: (Better not cross me boy.)

(4b) Abdurrehman: That does it!

(4c) Abdurrehman: You stupid @#@% kid. Don’t cross in front of people who are praying. You deserve a sound beating!

(4d) 10 years later when Reyhan is passing by a masjid, this is what he is what comes to his mind when he thinks about the masjid.

(5) Sleep First

(5a) First Rakat:

Hashim: (I am getting a little sleepy.)

(5b) Second Rakat:
Hashim: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Muneeb: I am feeling sleepy.

(5c) Third Rakat:

Hashim: Zzzz ….
Muneeb: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Mezba: (If you have to sleep, please remain on your bed, not on my shoulder. There is actually a saying that you should not pray when you are sleepy. So either sleep before and then come to the mosque, or please stay in your bed.)

(5d) Later that night …

Mezba: Dr. Fransworth I have heard that you are looking for some test subjects for your sleep related research ….

To quote Mezba verbatim:

“To desi FOB uncles: If you follow the above tips, I am sure you can make your experience and the experience of the rest around you a lot better.”

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The Truth about Boys and Girls

I remember reading a similar story, though not the same, to the one which is narrated be at either Mezba‘s or over at Captain Chaos. I cant remember which one, it was a long time ago. (I know what you are thinking – All Desis looks alike. Well they dont, so dont go there.) Anyways the story is meant to be a romantic story being narrated by a man and a woman, say Ayesha and Jamal, who develop the story as they go along. Just in case you are wondering, they are married. (This blog is supposed to comply with Islamic teaching so dont go there.) Anyways here it is, Ayesha begins narrating the story.

1) (Ayesha) In a lovely place far far away lived Ayesha and Jamal who were madly in love. One day they went out for a picnic on their lovely chariot.

2) (Ayesha) The sky was clear and the birds were chirping.

3) (Ayesha) Jamal expressed his undying love for Ayesha by giving her very expensive diamonds as birthday gifts.

4) (The narrative now switches over to Jamal)

Then all of sudden Storm Troopers appeared out of nowhere and demanded, “Come with us rebel leader Jamal. The Galactic Empire has been expecting you.”

5) (Jamal) It was a tough situation the Evil Empire had them surrounded.

6) (Jamal) Unbeknownst to the Storm Troopers Jamal summoned his spaceship with a device that he was carrying in his pocket.

7) Ayesha: “This is stupid. Why do you have those state troopers in our story.”
Jamal: “They are storm troopers not state troopers. The story sounds much better.”
Ayesha: “No it doesnt.”
Jamal: “Yes it does. You are being stupid.”
Ayesha: “No you are.”

8) (The narration now switches over to Ayesha)
Then magically they are transported to their lovely house and all the horrible monsters and the state troopers disappear.

9) (Narrative switches back to Jamal)
Or at least thats what they thought. All of a suddenn General Chilioux of the Grand Klaxian Alliance appears and demands ransom.

10) Ayeha: “Aaah, you are being weird again.”
Jamal (in a Scottish accent): “This is exciting!”
Ayesha: “No its not. This is crazy.”
Jamal (in a monotonic voice): “You are being highly illogical.”
Ayesha: “Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why are you talking in different voices. I am going to destroy your General Cheetos whatever whatever.”
Jamal: “Scotty beam me up!”
Ayesha: “Uggh!”
Jamal: “Energize.”

Epilogue:
Just in case you are wondering, Ayesha and Jamal are still together. They have reached a compromise – for every episode of Star Trek that they have to watch together, they have to watch “The Notebook” together. The Horror! The Horror!

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