Posts Tagged muslim

The Legend of Pasha Dracula or How to ward of Muslim Vampires

This should have been posted on Halal-o-ween but better late than never. The events narrated in this story are true, the name of the people have been changed for the purpose of annonymity.

(1) On a foggy Thursday afternoon in Romania Ahmet was going back to his home from the Mosque of Transylvania, he decided to rest in the park.

(2) Unknown to him however Pasha Dracula (the nephew of the more famous Count Dracula) had been hiding close by.

(3) The Pasha was expecting a swift victory and having Ahmet’s blood for iftar that day but Ahmet was smart one. He had heard of the legend of the Pasha so he had taken precautions. He lied down and whistled for his secret weapon.

(4) And in no time Pasha Dracula was running for his life, his plans for iftar were foiled.

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Abu Pokemon Gets Nominated!

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Abu Pokemon has been nominated for the Brass Crescent Awards. This means that people actually read this blog, what a relief.

Now that there is a burst of traffic on this blog because of the nomination I would like to point out to the new readers why they should vote for this blog. (Inspired from the Rally To Restore Sanity/Fear)

(1) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then the Terrorists will win:

(2) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then Britney Spears will become president:

(3) If you do not vote for Abu Pokemon then Gay Muslim Illegal Aliens will take your job:

You can vote at the following URL:  http://www.brasscrescent.org/

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Is it Haram to Own this Lego?


Is it Haram (impermissible) to Own this Lego?

(Question submitted to the Great Large Big-Time Supreme Fatwa Council)

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Of course you have four of those!

This narrative is based on a true story.

Abu Pokemon: The lego figurines that I try to get have to be as diverse as possible but it is hard sometimes.
Person A: Home come?
Abu Pokemon: For example it is hard to get female figures.
Person A: How many do you have?
Abu Pokemon: I have a total of more than 30 figures but out of those only 4 are female.
Person A: It makes sense.
Abu Pokemon: What do you mean?
Person A: You are Muslim and you have four figures
Abu Pokemon: No, its a coincidence!
Person A: Of course it is.
Abu Pokemon: It is!
Person A: Right.
Abu Pokemon: I mean it!

This also reminded me of how back in the days, many of my conversations used to start like the following. It was pretty annoying at that time but in retrospect they are funny.

Random Person: So you are a Muslim.
Abu Pokemon:  Yes.
Random Person: Cool, so you can have four wives.
Abu Pokemon: Well, amm, theoretically yes.
Random Person: Dude that is so awesome.
Abu Pokemon: Well, why would you want to have more than one. Isnt it supposed to be hard to have one wife?
Random Person: It is very cool nonetheless!

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What not to do in Ramadan – The sequel

I usually dont do sequels but perhaps its not a bad idea. Mezba did a post on a similar topic to my previous post so I had no choice but to steal, err I mean borrow the post from Mezba. Here is Mezba’s post Legoized. (Just in case you folks are wondering I do have Mezb’a Blessing). Note to Mezba: I had to modify a couple of things in order to fit these in the lego world but the main theme is still the same.

Here are Mezba’s 5 tips for night prayer:

(1) Its not a hurdles competition

(1A) Jamil: Dang, I am late again. If the rate of blessing are inversely proportional to the distance from the imam then I wont reach my target tonight.

(1B) Luckily I am a pole vaulting champion.

(1C) Almost there.

(1D) Jamil: The engineering degree was going to come in handy one day.

(1e) Fill me up with blessings man. Woot!

(2) You are not having dinner:

Masud (The guy with the Turban): That was a yummy iftar.
Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the back) : I need to find a way to get to the front row.

(1b) Mezba (The buy with the big nice smile in the front): Front row, awesome.

(1c) Mezba: Why has that guy been burping the Ameen’ for the last 12 rakats.

(1d) Mezba in some fantasyland far away.

Mezba: Alright stormtroppers, I know the economy is tough so if you want to make a few bucks on the side, there is this guy at the masjid ….

(3) Allah loves cleanliness

(3a) (People in sajda while praying salat/namaz)

Behroz: What is that smell, oh God. Please help. I am suffocating.

(3b) Jamil: I dont know what that guy’s problem is what is standing behind me.

(3c) Congregation: Ina’lil’lah’wa’ina’ila’hi’rajioun. Masha’Allah he must have been a really pious brother. He must surely go to jannah (heaven) since he died while in prostration before God.

(4) Stop scaring the kids

(4a) Reyhan: I love being in the masjid, this is so fun.
Abdulrehman: (Better not cross me boy.)

(4b) Abdurrehman: That does it!

(4c) Abdurrehman: You stupid @#@% kid. Don’t cross in front of people who are praying. You deserve a sound beating!

(4d) 10 years later when Reyhan is passing by a masjid, this is what he is what comes to his mind when he thinks about the masjid.

(5) Sleep First

(5a) First Rakat:

Hashim: (I am getting a little sleepy.)

(5b) Second Rakat:
Hashim: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Muneeb: I am feeling sleepy.

(5c) Third Rakat:

Hashim: Zzzz ….
Muneeb: (This must be a miracle, I am feeling sleepy and magically a support has appeared. All praise is to God.)
Mezba: (If you have to sleep, please remain on your bed, not on my shoulder. There is actually a saying that you should not pray when you are sleepy. So either sleep before and then come to the mosque, or please stay in your bed.)

(5d) Later that night …

Mezba: Dr. Fransworth I have heard that you are looking for some test subjects for your sleep related research ….

To quote Mezba verbatim:

“To desi FOB uncles: If you follow the above tips, I am sure you can make your experience and the experience of the rest around you a lot better.”

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What not to do in Ramadan

I have not disappeared folks, it was just that I was busy in Thesis Proposal Exams and thus could not post in time. This post should have been done at least 10 days ago if not more when Ramadan/Ramazan had just started but since there is still a week left so better late than never. So here are a list of things that one should not do in Ramadan but people still do them.

(i) Stuff yourself

The point of fasting is to abstain from eating so that you can get close to God. The point is not to eat like a hog. Besides pigs are haram anyway so and is eating like them.

“Man I need to exercise yaani, I have yaani put on 20 pounds this Ramadan.”

(ii) Masjid Parking

If you have kids, a pregnant wife or sister or if you are pregnant, or have older parents or older relatives who are accompanying you then you should park close to the masjid or in the masjid parking lot. If one the other hand neither of these conditions are met then please refrain from parking since there are other people who are in such a position and so it is our duty as Muslims to give them parking space.

(iii) Dont be the Grinch who stole Ramadan

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated that smiling to your brother is charity. Some brothers have however taken it to themselves to have a grouchy face all day long.  Given that working all day without food and water can make some people grouchy but one is supposed to be extra nice to other people during Ramadan. So this Ramadan please dont be a Grinch, be nice. 🙂

Ali: As salam o alaikum
Ahsan: wa’alaikum Grrr
Ali: How are you?
Ahsan: Grrrrr
Ali: Emm, …, I think I hear my mom calling I will be back.
Ahsan: Grrrr

(iv) Musalla as playground

I am not saying that dont bring your kids to the mosque but if they are unruly and you cant make them keep it down when people are praying them please refrain from doing so because it disrupts other people’s players. One of the most annoying things to hear while praying is, “Veeeeeeeeee.”

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Happy Independence Day and Flood Relief

To my Pakistani, Indian and Korean readers, Happy Independence day. Just like Ramadan I am late in the announcement but better late than never as the adage goes.

(A) The British left South Asia 63 years ago and like many other place from where the British Empire left its mark, the place has been a mess since then.

(B) The independent nations of Pakistan and India were born in 1947 and have been going at one another since then but since its the independence day we will not discuss that today but just wish these two nations well for the future and hope for peace and prosperity for more than 1.35 billion people in the Indian Sub-Continent. Ameen.

(C) I wanted to wish Pakistani and Indian people Happy Independence day and also point out to a great humanitarian crisis in Pakistan. By many accounts it may be the biggest humanitarian disaster of the last 10 years and yet the media here is not really talking about it. Consequently the international response has been woeful20 million people have been directly affected by the flood and more than 2 million people have become homeless. The international community has been slow to respond but things seem to be changing slowly.

Pakistaniat has a list of relief agencies where you can donate money for the relief effort. Here is the link:

ATP Gives: What Are Good Ways to Help Flood Victims in Pakistan?

Please also remember these people in your duas.

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