Posts Tagged women

The Truth about Boys and Girls

I remember reading a similar story, though not the same, to the one which is narrated be at either Mezba‘s or over at Captain Chaos. I cant remember which one, it was a long time ago. (I know what you are thinking – All Desis looks alike. Well they dont, so dont go there.) Anyways the story is meant to be a romantic story being narrated by a man and a woman, say Ayesha and Jamal, who develop the story as they go along. Just in case you are wondering, they are married. (This blog is supposed to comply with Islamic teaching so dont go there.) Anyways here it is, Ayesha begins narrating the story.

1) (Ayesha) In a lovely place far far away lived Ayesha and Jamal who were madly in love. One day they went out for a picnic on their lovely chariot.

2) (Ayesha) The sky was clear and the birds were chirping.

3) (Ayesha) Jamal expressed his undying love for Ayesha by giving her very expensive diamonds as birthday gifts.

4) (The narrative now switches over to Jamal)

Then all of sudden Storm Troopers appeared out of nowhere and demanded, “Come with us rebel leader Jamal. The Galactic Empire has been expecting you.”

5) (Jamal) It was a tough situation the Evil Empire had them surrounded.

6) (Jamal) Unbeknownst to the Storm Troopers Jamal summoned his spaceship with a device that he was carrying in his pocket.

7) Ayesha: “This is stupid. Why do you have those state troopers in our story.”
Jamal: “They are storm troopers not state troopers. The story sounds much better.”
Ayesha: “No it doesnt.”
Jamal: “Yes it does. You are being stupid.”
Ayesha: “No you are.”

8) (The narration now switches over to Ayesha)
Then magically they are transported to their lovely house and all the horrible monsters and the state troopers disappear.

9) (Narrative switches back to Jamal)
Or at least thats what they thought. All of a suddenn General Chilioux of the Grand Klaxian Alliance appears and demands ransom.

10) Ayeha: “Aaah, you are being weird again.”
Jamal (in a Scottish accent): “This is exciting!”
Ayesha: “No its not. This is crazy.”
Jamal (in a monotonic voice): “You are being highly illogical.”
Ayesha: “Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why are you talking in different voices. I am going to destroy your General Cheetos whatever whatever.”
Jamal: “Scotty beam me up!”
Ayesha: “Uggh!”
Jamal: “Energize.”

Epilogue:
Just in case you are wondering, Ayesha and Jamal are still together. They have reached a compromise – for every episode of Star Trek that they have to watch together, they have to watch “The Notebook” together. The Horror! The Horror!

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Why women should not drive!

Brother, sisters, friends and enemies, this is the first edition of Abu Pokemon. Here we explore and discuss questions of relevance for us. In the face of so many hardships and so many problems in the world sometimes the medicine that one really needs is laughter.

In the first installation of Abu Pokemon we will address the issue of women driving in Saudi Arabia. In that country women are prohibited from driving by law based on a fatwa with which most Muslims outside of the country actually disagree with. If you ever wondered what is the reasoning behind the ban then you are at the right place. It may sound like something from South Park or even the Onion but somebody actually said this. Let us visualize the Sheikh’s reasoning in the following series of “photographs.”

Note: Yaani is a figure of speech in Arabic. Its kind of like how American use “Like.”

Why women should not be allowed to drive?

(i) Women will stop wearing hijab!


Caption: Girl (drivers) gone wild. “Driving License, Yanni my free pass to immodestly, freedom from morals and chastity. Yaani WooHoo!”

Excerpt: “If someone were to say that a woman can drive a car without taking off her hijab, by covering her face and wearing dark glasses over her eyes, the answer to that is that this is not what really happens when women drive cars. Ask those who have seen them in other countries. Even if we assume that this could be applied initially, it would not last for long, rather the situation would soon become as it is in other countries where women drive. This is how things usually develop; they start out in an acceptable fashion then they get worse.” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: I suppose you have noticed that this is the case because there are no Muslim women who drive and wear hijab and the women who wear hijab stop wearing hijab as soon as they start driving.

(ii) Women will be able to go wherever they want?

Caption: “Yippee! I can go wherever I want.”

Excerpt: “You may find a divorced woman going where she wants, whenever she wants and however she wants, for whatever purpose she wants, because she is alone in her car, at any time she wants of the day or night. She may stay out until late at night. If people are complaining about this with regard to young men, then what about young women, going all over the place the length and breadth of the country, and maybe even beyond its borders.” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: Does that explain why women are so immodest in the other 55 Muslim countries?

(iii) Female Drivers are immodest?

Caption:

Omar: “Get off me, what has gotten into you Fatima. I am shocked by your behavior.”
Fatima: “I just learned driving.”

Caption: “I can do whatever I want, Yaani now that I have a driver’s license!”

Excerpt: “Another evil consequence of women driving cars is that they lose their modesty.” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: Does that mean that we should not associate with any woman who drives? Just look at the face of the women in the second image and the beer in her hand.

(iv) Women will leave their house?

Caption: “Bye honey I am doing drive aimlessly especially that the oil is cheap in this country. Yaani Yipee!”

Excerpt: “It also leads to women going out of the house a great deal, …., because those who love to drive enjoy it very much, hence you see them driving around in their cars here and there for no purpose, except to enjoy driving.” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: Next time think twice before asking your sister to drop you off to school.

(v) Driving Leads to Fitnah

Caption:

Policeman: “Excuse me Madam but you just violated the traffic signal but perhaps I can let you off, you know what I mean Yaani?”

Excerpt: “It is a cause of fitnah in many places: when stopping at the traffic lights, or at gas stations, or at inspection points, or when stopped by policemen at the scenes of traffic infractions or accidents, or if the car stalls and the woman needs help. What will her situation be in this case? Perhaps she may come across an immoral man who takes advantage of her in return for helping her, especially if her need is great to the point of urgency.” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: Isn’t that a rampant problem?

(vi) Taking the space of more deserving men

Caption: “Yaani so long sucker. I am going to take your spot on the street. Yipee!”

Excerpt: “When women drive it leads to overcrowding in the streets, or it deprives some young men of the opportunity to drive cars when they are more deserving of that. ” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: That explains why the Holland Tunnel is so crowded with traffic.

(vii) Rebelling against family?

Caption: “You know what? I don’t like you. Yaani, I am like, Yanni, I dont like you. I am like Yaani leaving home like Yaani dad and I am like Yaani going to like Yaani drive Yaani.”

Excerpt: “It is a means of women rebelling against their families and husbands; at the least provocation they may go out of the house and drive in the car to wherever they think they can get some peace, as happens in the case of some young men, who are able to put up with more than women. ” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: How did they come up with that idea?

(viii) Women Love Fashion and you know what that means

Caption: “I duped my old car last week. It was getting old, I mean, Yaani, it was three months old.”

Caption: “Well that did not last, I am like Yaani, I cant go to another party with the same car.”

Excerpt: “It causes fitnah to flourish because women – by their nature – like to make themselves look good with clothing etc. Do you not see how attached they are to fashion? Every time a new fashion appears they throw away what they have and rush to buy the new things, even if it is worse than what they have. Do you not see the adornments that they hang on their walls? In the same way – or perhaps more so – with the cars that they drive, whenever a new model appears they will give up the first for the new one. ” (Source: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/45880/women%20driving)

Observation: Cash for clunkers anyone?

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